Scarlett Under Covers

31 Flavors & Then Some

by Scarlett on April 27, 2011 · View Comments

in: Scarlett Under Covers

The other day, whilst poking around in the always amusing semi-chaos of My Documents folder, I came across a long-forgotten relic that had been carefully copied from hard drive to hard drive, dating all the way back to the PC equivalent of the Stone Ages.

It was a three year archive of the very first online journal I ever had. Yes, your prolific Scarlett has been spewing deep thoughts and rambling commentary on the interwebs for 13 years now, reaching far back to before “blog” was part of the vernacular and Prince’s “1999″ was still relevant.

In retrospect, I don’t know what compelled me to open that folder; the years between 18 and 21 were fraught with exceeding amounts of angst, heartache and generally difficult times. But I stayed up for hours and hours reading those entries, dredging up a trove of emotions that had been long-buried in the depths of memory. It was all there: the simultaneously exhilarating and terrifying last months of high school; the disastrous flirtation with “alternative religions”; the loss of two extremely close friendships; the house fire that left us homeless and me on academic probation after one semester of college; the English boy who stole my heart from afar; the local ex-lover who stole a kiss and messed with my head; the solemn passing of the baton from being a teenager to an adult – all spilled on the digital page without thought of eloquence or restraint.

And then, I deleted it. Every single word.

Too often, I find that people live their lives anchored in the past. I suppose I’ve been blessed in that my long-term memories have mostly become hazy vignettes, faded by the patina of time and dimmed by the more vivid hues of recent experience. So while my trip down memory lane was at times bewildering and bemusing, embarrassing and enlightening, it ultimately needed to be let go – both from its well worn place on my hard drive, and its brief hold on my thoughts. Holding myself up to the measuring stick of the past – or worse, berating myself for anything I may have felt, done, or experienced back then – wasn’t going to do me any favors. So I let it all go, and in doing so, I turned my thoughts to more recent events that deserve similar treatment. To quote a clichéd but perfectly accurate lyric: “forget regret, or life is yours to miss”.

So here I am, with another birthday only a few weeks hence, and I feel so far removed from that girl of 21 who held onto her fears, anxieties, heartbreaks – who used them a safety blanket to hide behind, or as armor to harden against life’s turmoils and trials. And everything really does feel like a trial when you’re that age, doesn’t it? Things that used to bring me to my knees back then seem so insignificant now; the true testimony of wisdom brought on by age. That’s one reason why it perplexes me when people mumble and moan about getting older. Sure, we miss the relative vibrancy of our youth – but do you really want to pine for a time when every little thing felt like the Biggest Deal Ever? When we didn’t have the skills to cope and carry on; when we lacked the essential life experience to help us put things into perspective and understand what really matters?

I look forward to turning 31; after all, the first 25 years or so of my life were positively vanilla, and it’s only been in the last half-dozen that I’ve added some spice; a dash of chili pepper in my chocolate, so to speak. Birthdays are meant to be celebratory, after all – and what’s the point of living if you don’t look forward to experiencing life?

But if I may indulge in a final lick of reminiscing … how would I describe the flavor of the first year of my 30s? I’d call it rich and complex, with bittersweet undertones and delicious hints of heat. The best part, though, is that it’s a combination unique to me and my experiences – and one worth relishing, for a time. And when June 1st dawns and my next year of life begins anew, I’ll treat it as an opportunity to eat, drink, be merry, and celebrate the flavors yet to come.

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One Of Us! One Of Us! – The MAGFest Experience

by Scarlett on January 19, 2011 · View Comments

in: Gamer/Geek Culture, Scarlett Under Covers

Last weekend, I had the pleasure and privilege of attending MAGFest, a music and gaming convention held near Washington, DC. For those who are fans of That Guy With The Glasses, you may have watched some of the vlogs or read some of the posts by those in attendance, and they are all perfect windows into the MAGFest experience that are well worth checking out. But I thought I’d take a bit of a different approach, and this is going out to all those friends and fans who’ve expressed regret that they were unable to attend – particularly those who were bowing out due to nervousness or apprehension about the convention atmosphere. First though, a little window into Scarlett’s world …

Like many in the gamer/geek community, I’ve known I was a misfit since I was very young, floating around amidst the social circles in school without ever really finding my place. This went on until I was about 16; up until then, my proudest moment came when I was in third grade and invited to be part of the Game Masters, a boys-only club who drew elaborate mazes and puzzles for their friends to solve. I was the only girl they ever let in, and I still feel a surge of silly pride about it – and in truth, it likely was the seed the sowed my natural tendency to have close male friendships. In my junior year of high school, the constant harassment and isolation gradually wore off, as I found my niche in various choirs and theater productions. This continued through college, though I was an outsider to the hardcore theater and music crowd as well (the clichés about widespread obsessions with Broadway and superficial snark – at my university, at least – being unfortunately true). When I withdrew after two years and got an office job, the isolation returned – and two years later when I started my own business, there were no more co-workers to speak of. So I found myself fostering many a friendship online, and some wonderful ones at that. Still, communities and kindred spirits would come and go, and it wasn’t until a few years ago when happy circumstance drew me into the TGWTG community that I finally felt like my quirkiness had a home.

But all those years of aimless social wandering had a price, and I had built up deep insecurities and introverted shyness. Overcoming those obstacles was an intense process that still, in some ways, continues. Not to get all airy-fairy and new agey on you, but reading books on philosophy and metaphysics helped a lot, as did meditation and positive thinking. Yeah yeah, I know what you’re thinking:

But just as they say that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar, you also catch more joy in your life by being optimistic and positive rather than dwelling in negativity. And anyway, things can always get worse – so I strive to do what my favorite philosophers recommend: “be satisfied with where you are, and eager for more”. And when I heard about MAGFest, I was eager to put my crowd-anxiety to the test and meet some of the people whom I had come to adore online. To broadly sum up the experience, it was one of the most amazing times of my life.

Now it’s true, there were significant lows to the highs: namely, the “ELEVATOR PARTY!” crews; the drunken lameos; the disorganization on the part of the MAGFest crew; the hardcore Con Plague that at least half of us seem to be suffering from. But the good outweighs the bad by miles, and I wouldn’t trade the wonderful times I had for the world. Because never in my life had I physically been in a place where I felt like I truly belonged. These were my people. I felt like chanting the “One Of Us!” line from the vintage film Freaks because there was no sense at all of being on the outside looking in. I was still a misfit, but we were all misfits in our unique way – and there was no need to shy away or be anything other than ourselves.

A few of my friends expressed anxiety about going to an event like MAGFest, concerned that they would feel out of place (“crowd isolation” being the worst kind to endure). And I’ll admit, going to a convention with a friend or two is a good idea, as it can be daunting to immerse yourself without someone to be there to hang out with if the crowds and craziness get to be too intense. You do have to be able to push down your shyness in some capacity, as the guests and panelists you may be hoping to see will largely be incredibly friendly and gracious, as long as you work up the nerve to approach them. The same can be said for your fellow attendees, and I believe it was Todd In The Shadows who said it perfectly in his vlog that we’re all basically introverted people who are good in social situations. If you go in with the mindset that you already have some common interests with the people around you, it’s much more approachable than trying to randomly talk to people you might encounter elsewhere. And as soon as you make that one connection, the floodgates start to open.

There were so many people who made my MAGFest experience memorable. I have to thank my friends Danny, Stuart, and TJ for being the ultimate trio of sweetness; likewise TGWTG is blessed to have such wonderful fans as Steph, Punky and Freya; Eric (Gaming Goose) was a fantastic companion who always kept me laughing; Pushing Up Roses is my soul sister and someone I’m honored to call a friend; Skitch is a blast and has a masterful touch with innuendos that’s so very pleasurable (awwww yeah); LordKat tells it like it is and is absolutely hilarious – one of my new favorite people; Paw is one of the coolest cats (seriously, he oozes chilled out awesome); Linkara and Liz are the dynamic duo of likable loveliness – I heart those two so much; believe it when people say that JewWario is one of the most charming and humble guys on earth, just wonderful to be around; Nash, Obscuras Lupa and JesuOtaku are three of the nicest people you’ll ever meet and I wish we’d had more hang out time; Todd In The Shadows is amazingly talented, very friendly and down to earth; I was so happy to meet Sean Faust, who is just as friendly and funny as I had hoped; Luke Mochrie is a sweetheart and such a cutie; bella Nella is a champ at everything and is SO much fun; Sad Panda and Welshy were super nice and their accents make me all swoony; and of course my fella Spoony is a superstar and was so gracious to all the fans, going way out of his way to be friendly and kind to all. I know I’m forgetting people (and I’m so sorry, because everyone was fantastic in their own rights) but that’s just a sampling of the people and personalities I had the absolute pleasure in meeting. Oh, and a special thank you to Rebecca, who said such kindhearted words about my blog. That meant so much to me. <3

So for anyone on the fence about attending a convention, festival, comic-con event, etc - you must give it a try at least once. Look for those that suit your interests; someone like myself who has little experience with animation might feel out of place at an anime event, while a non-gamer wouldn't have as much to do at a gaming-centric fest. Check the blogs, websites, Twitter accounts, etc of your favorite internet personalities to see which events they'll be attending. Join (or become more involved) in interesting online communities to help bolster your confidence with interacting with like-minded people. And above all, just do it to have fun. Sean said it true when he tweeted that meeting people was worth every cough that so many of us are enduring now. For those of you I knew before who proved to be even more wonderful in person, I send you my love. And for those of you whom I just met this weekend, you made my experience awesome in so many ways. Here's to the next convention! And now, I leave you to experience another unique MAGFest phenomenon: the infamous "WWWWWOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAGGGGGH" Colossus yell from X-Men that we also had to listen to all weekend long. This one's for you, Nash. ;)

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