Happy (belated) new year, everyone! I can hardly believe that half of January has whisked by already. My days have been filled up with moving preparations and the act thereof, and now I’m happily settled into my new apartment which is literally a stone’s throw from the last. (I stayed in the same complex, just went with a smaller unit to save some much-needed cashola.) With the economy looking to be grim as ever in the first year of the newly minted decade, I’ve been searching my noggin for ideas on how to bring in a little extra for ye olde piggy bank. If you’ve any suggestions, let me know! Just keep ‘em clean – street walking is hardly as glamorous as Julia Roberts and Richard Gere would have us believe. Not that I would know or anything. smileshake Ahh, Look at All the Lonely People ...

Do you like me?

Speaking of looking for lust in all the wrong places, some of you may have heard about the hullabaloo over an online dating website’s recent decision to dump 5000+ members because they “let themselves go” over the holidays. Nothing like some superficial rejection to ring in the new year, amirite? The Beautiful People dating site, which goes out of its way to market itself as an exclusive community with a “strict ban on ugly people”, decided that a number of its members were no longer worthy enough to suck in the rarefied interwebz air of its elite ranks, after said members updated their profiles with post-holiday pictures showing apparent weight gain.

In order to gain access to this mecca of superficial snobbery, you have to upload a photo with your sign-up form, and current members are given 48 hours to rate your image to determine whether or not you are indeed beautiful enough to gain full membership to the site. And the verbiage during the sign-up process even goes so far as to guarantee that your dates will always be beautiful. O RLY? First of all, how does this website check the validity of the photos? It’s ridiculously simple to find pictures of attractive people online – just take a casual stroll through photo albums on Flickr, Facebook, Deviant Art, and similar sites, select one that isn’t too posed and could pass for something candid, and you’re good to go.

Secondly, how can you possibly market an international website that makes claims that its members are all incredibly attractive? By whose measuring stick? The site operates in 10 different languages and has members from all over the world – a world where standards of beauty tend to vary widely. Though unsurprisingly, the highest numbers of member casualties came from the United States, the United Kingdom and Canada – suggesting that those three countries likely make up the bulk of membership. In that case, one can get a pretty fair representative idea of what the standards of so-called “beauty” are amongst the majority of members. Rail thin (yet buxom) women of the bland American model/actress variety, and men with perfect six packs and perma-tans, still glassy-eyed from their last frat party. Ugh.

Now there are some who might argue that plenty of “exclusive dating communities” already exist, and indeed, they do. You have sites aimed at those of certain religious faiths, ethnicities, income levels, etc. However, those sites tend to be pretty objective. If you practice the Jewish faith, you qualify for a Jewish dating site. If you’re Latino, you don’t need to be “voted in” by other Latinos. But beauty, to borrow a very cliched phrase, truly IS in the eye of the beholder. And honestly, how desperate for acceptance must you be to let your photo be paraded out in front of a group of Certified Beautiful People to see if you’re worthy of being including in their hallowed halls?

It’s stuff like this that people will point to – those skeptics who insist on thinking of online dating as unsavory and a waste of time. But I’ve been a champion of being open-minded about meeting people online since dinosaurs roamed the earth (i.e., 1999). I suppose I have positive influences though; my mom met my step-dad less than 2 weeks after she got online for the first time in her life. Still, for those of you who may have considered trying online dating in the new year, don’t let the Beautiful People rejects and their holler-than-thou brethren scare you off. There are still several quality, non-judgmental dating sites out there – OKCupid, Match.com, and eHarmony are just a few. I do wish there was something more geared toward folks of the geeky/nerdy variety, and I’ve seen a site or two that purports to cater to that niche, but they were unimpressive at best. Maybe I’ll start one myself, eh? I could even outlaw profile pictures altogether and find other creative ways to pre-select prospective members:

Did you enjoy the Star Wars prequels?
What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
Who’s hotter – Xena or Sydney Bristow?

Best. Idea. Ever!

“All the lonely people,
Where do they all belong?”
{The Beatles – Eleanor Rigby}

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Primed for an Attack!

by Scarlett on December 30, 2009 · Comments

in Girl Gone Gaming

Holy hell … I just spent far more time than I care to admit on Take It Back (the final quest of the main Fallout 3 game), and the stress was such that I’m seriously considering drowning my frustration in booze and women. Now I’ve played the game before, but it’s been a year or so, and in that time I’d managed to soothe the memory from my mind of what a FUCKING PAIN IN THE ASS this mission is. Not because it’s difficult, no. But because Liberty Prime – the giant robot whose sole purpose it is to clear away electronic barriers and kill everything in sight in order to allow you to finish the storyline – is the glitchiest piece of fail in the entire game. Due to bugs related to quest triggers and clipping path issues, it’s very likely that you’ll find yourself hopelessly stuck on the bridge to the Jefferson Memorial, unable to advance because the lumbering douchebox won’t move his buns o’ steel. And unless you’re a chronic save-gamer, you may find yourself well and truly fucked.

Liberty Prime
Liberty Prime: One Bad-Ass Mutha-Stucka

Here are just a few of the happenstances that can cause problems:

- He’s stuck in/behind the landscape
- He got turned around
- You ran ahead on the bridge
- You shot at him and now you’re his main target
- You fast-traveled away from the Citadel when he was being “launched”
- And so on …

As I was struggling with figuring out a solution, I remembered that last time I finally gave up and turned off clipping via the console, which allowed me to pass all the barriers and reach the final destination. However, I wanted to do it the right way this time, as I wasn’t sure if Broken Steel (the add-on pack that activates right after the main game ends) would work correctly if the events didn’t unfold the way they were supposed to. So after searching through 23 pages of related threads on the Bethesda forum, my irritation turned to chagrin when I realized that this time my problem was that I had killed the dude whose presence actually triggers the robot to move. Fuckin’ A!

Barring the fact that someone that vital to the final quest should not be able to be killed, I had to admit that my murderous killing spree in the Citadel (brought on by a case of Adamantium Rage, no doubt!) was pretty damn fun, and because I tend to quick-save, I had been overwriting my save points for hours. *Facepalm* I was just about to give up and relog a ridiculously old save when I realized – amidst my stumbling around the Citadel grounds in grumbly abandon – that the fella in question (Paladin Vargas) was lying just outside the Citadel door. Utilizing the “grab” function (which I’d never used otherwise, as it always seemed completely pointless), I hauled his body over to Liberty Prime, and wouldn’t you know it … The metal gladiator of death FINALLY started moving.

[Cue the "Hallelujah" chorus here!]

So for any of you who may have found yourself in similarly dire straits – and of course, I’ve tested this only on the PC version – either be careful who you kill, or be prepared to go hunting for Vargas’ body in order to trigger Prime across the bridge (which may prove impossible if you turned him into an Ash Pile, at which time you’d have to utilize the Resurrect cheat). I know quite a few of my readers are Fallout 3 junkies as well, so I hope this is useful to someone! And for those who have asked, I finished 2 of the 5 DLCs – Operation: Anchorage and Point Lookout. The former was very combat-heavy and thus a lot of fun (and it also provides the strongest armor in the game upon completion), whereas the latter added about 6 – 8 hours of gameplay, provided that you wander around discovering all the locations and side quests. I mistakenly tripped the final main quest before I meant to, so now that Broken Steel has activated, I plan on going back and doing The Pitt and Mothership Zeta, as well as some of the side quests I know I missed. Now if only I could find something to spend my 20K stash of bottle caps on! I suppose there’s always that wench back in Megaton … thrust Primed for an Attack!

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Avatar

So, Avatar … If I were a blogger worth my salt, I would have written a review within mere minutes of returning from viewing, but in all honesty I wasn’t entirely sure how I felt about the film. Was I entertained? Absolutely. (I saw it in regular 2D and will hereby state for the record that you absolutely can enjoy this film outside of IMAX or 3D effects, so don’t let anyone strong-arm you into paying a higher ticket price!) However, there have been many criticisms that – at its basis – Avatar is a wildly unoriginal retelling of films like Dances With Wolves and Pocahontas. And really, any “fish out of water falls in love” story could apply. But what makes it innovative are all the ancillary details that surround the core story. Being set in the year 2154 and taking place on other planets; a human assimilating into another culture whilst operating an avatar into which their consciousness has been transferred; the culture of the Na’Vi people and how they connect to the many and varied lifeforms around them.

However, Avatar isn’t without its flaws. Jake Sully, the “hero” of our story, seems to have been teleported straight out of a 1970’s post-Vietnam war movie. Why is he still operating a manual wheelchair in the year 2154? Or better yet, why is he even in this condition? It seemed like a cop-out that despite all the tremendously sophisticated technology that was displayed in the film, a paraplegic living in 2154 would still be tooling around in an old-school wheelchair. And Grace smoking cigarettes? In 150 years, people will still be choking on cancer sticks? I guess in some ways, showing two of the film’s most vital characters as flawed humans is more relatable than if they had been perfect specimens of humanity. Still, when you set a movie so far ahead in the future, seeing a little evolution in medical advances and intelligence would have been appreciated.

As you can see, I think fully enjoying this film depends upon your ability to suspend reality, forgo cynicism, and overlook the foibles that will occur to you as you’re watching. As such, the first thing that occurred to me as I was leaving the theater was how much more I would have loved it had I been an awestruck 12 year old once more. Because here’s the thing … I go to movies to be entertained or affected in some way. Whether it’s being moved to laughter or tears; riveted with anticipation; on the edge of my seat in excitement; really any kind of emotion that gets stirred up in a satisfying way makes for a great movie-going experience. And I think as you get older, it takes more doing to eek out those instinctual reactions than it did in childhood. So as the credits rolled, I thought about Jurassic Park – a film that came out when I was 13 and was – perhaps still is – one of the most affecting films I’ve ever seen in a theater. Intense, exciting, terrifying, blood-pumping, heart-racing, you name it. These days, thrills in the theater are a dime a dozen, but back then, Jurassic Park was a revelation. And I can see Avatar becoming the younger generation’s Jurassic Park. It has the fantastical storyline, the special effects, the drama, the excitement. It’s already become one of those rare films that people are making noteworthy for the sense of awe and wonder it stirred within them. But to each their own! And in like fashion, I thought I’d share a few of the films that made an indelible impression in my tender years that are destined – in my eyes – to never be faded, replicated, or duplicated.

Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory

Although my first viewing of 1971’s Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory was a goodly 15 years after its initial release, it was as bright and shiny and bizarrely-beautiful as anything being made in the mid-1980’s. It’s definitely one of those films that colored my childhood with a vividly-hued brush stroke of slight madness and immense wonder. I remember secretly licking the wallpaper in various friends’ homes and hoping to finally find one that tasted like schnozberries, and throwing pennies into the mall fountains, wishing that someday I’d grow up and have my own edible mecca of candy-flavored delights. I could never open a Hershey’s bar without biting my lip in anticipation and hoping beyond hope for a glimpse of gold. And although I always fast-forwarded our worn out VHS tape through that maudlin “Cheer Up, Charlie” song (easily the low point of the film), the movie as a whole delighted me every time. Gene Wilder will always be Willy Wonka to me, and I pity the fool who saw the Johnny Depp version first (which I abjectly refuse to watch in full). Definitely one of my lifelong, nostalgic favorites. “A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.” – Willy Wonka

Labyrinth

Speaking of fantastical films that are as timeless now as they were in my childhood, 1986’s Labyrinth has so many brilliant things going for it, it’s almost impossible to pick a favorite element. First and foremost, when you’ve got a film directed by Jim Hensen and produced by George Lucas, it already has “epic” written all over it. Add in the innovative use of Hensen’s Creature Shop Muppets, a fabulously memorable (and quotable) soundtrack, and a truly unique story that’s immensely relateable to kids and teenagers, and you’ve got movie magic. Oh, and there’s the matter of a certain character called Jareth, played by the incomparable David Bowie (although the billing probably should have been shared with his crotch as well!) I also love Jennifer Connelly in this film, and how at times she seemed every bit the bratty teenager, and at other times a worldly soul. Plus she totally cosplayed before it was chic to do so, making her extra full of win! I’ve heard whisperings about a remake of Labyrinth, but I couldn’t find any information to support this (thank goodness!) And besides, no one – but no one – could rock those spandex tights like Bowie! Om nom nom.

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure (1989) is one of those films that I can practically quote front-to-back, but never fail to find hilarity in re-watching. In fact, I like to think that my repeat viewings over the past 20 years have contributed to my love of dorky humor and innuendo – not to mention, my still simmering crush on Billy the Kid. (What?! He’s a cutie!) It’s also got to be one of the most immensely quotable movies I’ve ever seen (you can barely go 2 minutes without mentally cataloging a favorite line of dialog) and the fact that I randomly ended up moving to the city where Bill & Ted’s was filmed still tickles me to no end. It’s also another one of those films with a fantastic soundtrack, and although some might say that the movie feels a bit aged (the phone booth teleporter, most notably), it doesn’t feel like an 80’s flick in the same way that John Hughes films of the same era tend to. And I have to say, if I were forced to watch only one movie for the rest of my life, Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure might just be it. (Don’t get me started on the lackluster sequel …) In closing, I’d like to leave you with this sentiment: “SAN DIMAS HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL RULES!”

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

This one came out of left field, hmmm? Although I can’t say I was quite so “tender” in years when it was released, 2000’s Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon rounds out my short-list of films that have had a profound effect on my movie-watching experiences over the years. You might argue that better Wuxia style films have been made, but CTHD was the first I’d ever seen and I believe it still holds the distinction of being the highest-grossing foreign language film in American history, and was a true breakthrough in a country where many movie-goers turn up their noses at subtitled fare. Having never seen anything like it, I was captured by the martial artistry that managed to be simultaneously delicate and fierce – a lethal ballet, if you will. It had an equally strong story filled with romance, defiance, tradition, and indeed, its fair share of death. I eagerly awaited similar films that followed, such as Hero and House of Flying Daggers, but neither managed to be as emotionally stirring or breathtakingly exciting as CTHD. It’s one of the last films that had me wide-eyed and wowed as I watched it, and that it was filmed on a $15 million dollar budget is testament that you don’t need to spend a fortune to make an effective action-adventure film!

So I’d have loved to see Avatar 15 or 20 years ago; barring that, it would have been interesting to see it with someone who was younger, less worldly and cynical, and more able to be swept up in the story and the effects. And see, that’s the thing – you really can’t review this film without mentioning the special effects, and for good reason. I think they really are done brilliantly, if you’re not one who scoffs at all things CGI. (Personally, I’m all for it!) But strip away the CGI and setting, and you’ve got a familiar story that plays a little tiredly to those of us who have many memorable films to compare it to. However, for many people, Avatar will be the high watermark of film-making for many years to come – and that truly is the touchstone of an effective film, I’d say. After all, three out of the four movies I mentioned above performed very modestly at the box office, but what makes them legendary in my mind is how much I loved them at the time and how much I still adore them to this day. So to all who were awestruck and enchanted by Avatar, remember it well – and go back and see it again if time allows. Some day you’ll be reminiscing about your favorite films, and how you felt the first time you saw them is something that you’ll never forget.

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday, and I’ll see you again in the new year! ♥

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