Scarlettopia :: Geek Girl with a Heart On

Good Vibrations

by Scarlett on November 17, 2009 · Comments

I have a confession to make. I have a serious fondness for late night infomercials. This is something that was spawned in my youth when my brother and I used to sneak out of our beds to watch Beavis & Butthead or a racy dating show called STUDS. (Hey, it was the early ’90s – and without Skinemax or the Internet to fall back on, you had to find other ways to corrupt your mind at a tender age!)

Long after my brother had passed out beside me, I’d be sitting there rapt with awe at the enticing offers being hypnotized into my brain by charismatic hosts who claimed that for just “three easy payments”, I could own the latest and greatest in kitchen and household inventions. Seriously, these charlatans were good at plying their wares. Imagine a wide eyed, 12 year-old Scarlett nodding enthusiastically at her television as Ron Popeil deboned his trout with an ultra sharp (yet flexible!) Ginsu knife. “Gosh, Ron! That would be so incredibly handy for all those fresh fish I’m constantly filleting!” That man could have sold me a lakefront villa on Mars. Had I been in possession of a credit card, let me tell you. I’d still be sitting on mountains of debt, but I’d have the most bitching set of kitchen appliances EVER. Rotisserie ham and homemade beef jerky the likes of which you ain’t never seen, baby!

But alas, infomercials have really dulled in the last decade or so, with the same ones playing over and over ad nauseum. Flipping channels at 2am, you’re likely to find 18 stations all pimping the same erectile dysfunction drug, hawked by some random porn industry reject who’s all too eager to tell you how much “size matters”. Lame! But the good news is that a new breed of guilty late night pleasures have cropped up – albeit in bite sized pieces. My favorite is the Trojan Vibrating Touch, which is exactly what it sounds like. Spoony and I used to have to endure this commercial 6x an hour when I made him watch Talk Sex With Sue. (Epically hilarious series with an 80 year old woman giving explicit sex advice to call-in viewers. I am SO going to be that woman someday.) But as you can see, I’ve truly come full circle in my appreciation for “as seen on TV” products. First it was things that go “buzz” in the kitchen, now I prefer things that go “buzz” in the bedroom. Awwwwww yeah.

I love the redhead’s dramatic expressions and overacting. Dirty whore!

… I am SO going to be that woman someday. ;-)

{ 17 comments }

Adventures in Dreaming

by Scarlett on November 8, 2009 · Comments

in Girl Gone Gaming

Last night, I had a truly odd dream which was either owing to the rapidly all-encompassing madness of my mind – OR, a brilliant plot line for the quirkiest Adventure games since Grim Fandango. It had it all: the shadowboxed exposition scenes, the multiple-choice dialog options, the inventory filled with mundane items that combined into random and miraculous inventions. (Go go, Gadget Lock-Opening-Spy-Cam-Pencil-of-Wonder!)

The details though – now those were something special. The city’s skyline was comprised of two-dimensional set pieces done in pastel watercolors with a sickening patina of Pepto Bismol pink. The streets were lined with Smart Cars that were powered by fabric zippers embedded in the gravel. Farm animals spoke in indistinguishable accents – and I was particularly fascinated with a chatty goat who was rather exasperated (yet exceedingly polite) and kept saying things like “This situation is making me feel quite put out!” and “I’m rather burdened by your expectations of me!” What I was asking him to do is unclear – although it was entirely legal, I assure you! – but I can understand his distaste.

After all, I was a pigtailed, scantily clad lass named Lolly who worked as an exotic dancer in a strip club. In a mall. And the moniker? My act involved the constant presence of a Tootsie Roll Pop. (In my mouth, thankyouverymuch!) What can I say? Apparently I was an artist with those suckers – in more ways than one! ;-)

So of course the first idea that (lolly)popped into my mind when I woke up was that I needed to play an Adventure game again. Perfectly logical, right? But what to choose? I flipped through my CD case of games and felt uninspired. The Gabriel Knight series is my touchstone of ultimately Adventure gaming awesomeness, but I’ve hesitated to play any of them since the early 2000’s for fear that I’ll be disappointed. After all, once you get into games where strategic choices and actions are key, I’ve found that it’s rather difficult to return to very linear, point-and-click titles where you may need some ingenuity and creative-thinking, but exploration and strategy (not to mention combat) are noticeably absent.

I shuffled past The Longest Journey (#2 on my favorite Adventure games list) and its sequel, Dreamfall, which I got after my transition into RPGs and thus never finished, as it kinda bored me in comparison. Sanitarium was tempting, but I remember having problems running it on Windows XP. I was never particularly keen on Broken Sword, so that got the pass – and I was actually a bit surprised to discover that most of my old Adventure games were AWOL – likely having been sold off years ago on Amazon and eBay. I poked around a little bit on Home of the Underdogs (at one time a site that I lived and breathed for), but it appears that they no longer host downloadable abandonware titles, and instead are mostly a directory/review site.

What I realized in that 30 minutes or so of fruitlessly searching for an engaging Adventure game is that my heart really wasn’t in it. Which is a bit sad, to be honest, but I like the fact that I’ve evolved as a gamer. I’m not saying that Adventures are anything less than other genres, but to me they were always more in the “interactive story” vein, rather than a true “gaming” experience. It was an interesting transition after spending my childhood playing action-oriented games on the original Nintendo, and I think that’s what I truly enjoy about RPGs, in that they seem to strike a fantastic balance between creative-thinking Adventures and fast-paced Action games.

Also, I get to kill stuff – which, for a fiery gal like myself, is a “full of win” situation!

I did happen to notice a game peeking out of its plastic-sleeved abode which caught my eye that might get a coveted install slot on the ol’ PC. It was my greatest disappointment of 2008 – a little game that surely no-one’s ever heard of, called Spore. [/End Sarcasm] I’m wondering if maybe I haven’t given it a fair shake though. I bailed out in the Tribes stage, and I’ve heard repeatedly that the game improves exponentially once you get to space (the final frontier?) But we’ll see if I’m really willing to let Will Wright’s epic let-down back onto my system. After all, I’m told that Jade Empire and Dragon Age: Origins are really worth a look. Which reminds me – I already have the best readers ever!

Off to suck on something hard n’ sweet …

Scarlett ♥

{ 16 comments }

Risen to the Challenge

by Scarlett on November 5, 2009 · Comments

in Girl Gone Gaming

Like all discerning RPG’ers, I’m constantly on the lookout for a quality PC gaming experience that meets my (rather non-demanding) wish list:

- Engaging storyline
- Intuitive combat
- Clever use of NPCs
- Impressive (but not overly graphics-intensive) scenery
- At least 20 hours of gameplay

Beyond that, I’m a pretty flexible fox. I don’t limit myself to games set in specific time periods, or make a big fuss over first-person vs third-person. I’m not all nitpicky about bugs or glitches, so long as the FPS is decent and crashing is kept to a minimum. But I do have two rather specific qualifiers that eliminate a surprising number of RPGs from the “must play list”:

I don’t do MMORPGs (or any multi-player, for that matter), and I’m not down with games that are party-based.

I know, I know – but when it comes to gaming, I’m a solo adventuress who doesn’t appreciate other people gettin’ all up in my grill. If I feel like casting Invisibility in Arx Fatalis and systematically wiping out an entire town, I’m gonna do it! If I’m keen on finishing every damn side adventure before I even bother with the main quest line in Oblivion, I’m gonna do it! So when I heard about a new RPG that fit everything on the wishlist and was prime for some quality hack n’ slash action, I couldn’t wait to get my hands on it. Enter Risen!

Is that a lighthouse in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?

Risen centers on a nameless, shipwrecked hero who lands on a volcanic island where mysterious mayhem has been taking place; namely, the “rising” of ancient temples from within the earth that bring along scary beasts and a widespread panic. The game is divided into 4 chapters and offers a decent amount of replayability, in that quests and options will change depending on whether you side with Don Esteban (the bad-ass leader of the bandit camp), or the mysterious and powerful Inquisitor. I chose the former path (hunters n’ fighters over pansy mages any day!) and I enjoyed the game thoroughly.

Scarlett Says …

* Risen is a third-person RPG that is widely compared to Gothic 3, in terms of both the overall look and the gameplay. If you enjoyed the Gothic series, it’s a good bet you’ll like this title as well.

* You’ll gain plenty of experience points by completing quests, particularly in Chapter 1, which is by far the longest. If this game has a weakness, it would be in your initial quests, which some players may find tedious in that they’re largely of the “go here, fetch this, come back” variety. As someone who actually enjoys these types of missions – since they offer plenty of opportunity for exploration – I didn’t find them weary at all. Speaking of exploring, the game is also very intuitive in that it recognizes when you stumble onto a quest that you haven’t actually triggered (killing a certain number of beasts, or finding a rare weapon), and will fully reward you all experience points and mark it as “Complete” – even if you’re never assigned the task to begin with.

* When it comes to Leveling, you’ll receive 10 “Learning Points” upon each successful level, which you can spend on skills ranging from weapons, character enhancements, or combat improvements. I would recommend ignoring most of the weapon skills and focusing only on Blade or Ax, and Crossbow. Regular archery and staff fighting are much less effective, as the strongest available weapons in these categories still pale in comparison to the best blades and crossbows. Also, some Ax Fighting skill will come in handy in the final battle …

* Not sure how to spend your points? Character enhancements are cheaper to level than Weapons skills, costing only 5 points each – which means you can increase two per level. Likewise, you can allocate as little as 1 point at a time to Strength, Dexterity and Mana – which means you’ll always have an opportunity to use any odd numbered points you may have left over. Some enhancement skills – such as Pick Pocketing, Lock Picking, Alchemy and Smithing – have multiple levels, so they’ll require 15 points to level up in full. Others (Sneak, Acrobatics, Mining) only require 5 points apiece. Here are my recommendations:

Level up Sneak, Alchemy and Lock Picking early on. The first will help you in robbing people, literally behind their backs. Alchemy will allow you to turn easily-accessible healing plants into basic potions, which you will be using a lot of in this game. And although many of the randomly located chests will open at will, you’ll come across quite a few that require lock picking skills – and they often contain mountains of gold, potions, rings/amulets, and other useful items.

I was a looting and gathering fool, and yet never once used up all my allocated space. Huzzah for unlimited inventories!

Blades are the easiest to get your hands on, and the one-handed varieties allow you to use shields, so I would recommend increasing Blade to at least Level 2, and the same for Crossbow. You’ll occasionally come across jewelry items that will increase your weapons skills, as well as weapons that also give you a skill boost just by equipping them.
Pick Pocketing can be somewhat profitable, and you may need it to complete a quest or two, but it’s much less useful than Lock Picking. Mining will allow you to collect gold, iron ore and obsidian (useful for Smithing) – but those are mostly found in caves, which you’ll want to avoid until you have better weapons and higher combat skills, as they’re usually populated with tougher enemies. Acrobatics only serves to help prevent damage when you fall, and can only be trained by one person, so don’t bother with that one until much later on.

* Combat is tricky, and requires the use of the directional keys as well as blocking and parrying to be successful. Enemies do not level with your character, but you’ll want to steer clear of the larger beasts until you’ve leveled your Strength and weapons skills several times. If you come across Trolls, Ashbeasts, or Goblins – RUN!

I hope you remembered to quick save!

* Oh, and you will die in this game. A LOT. I can honestly say that I’ve never used the Quick Save option as much in any other RPG, but I found the challenge to be enjoyable, rather than frustrating. Although there was that time in Chapter 1 that I got the “clever” idea to clear out a gang of the Inquisitor’s men all by myself, with only a low level sword and no armor. It took me about an hour of luring them away one by one with my crossbow, and then pummeling them with my rusty blade while trying desperately not to be killed by their superior skills. Then I found out that if I’d just waited, I would have been given a quest where I’d have been given a group of fighters to storm into combat with. Oops!

On the Other Hand …

* While you’ll be given basic region maps in your Journal, there’s no mini-map to speak of, and the compass is largely useless. I got lost fairly frequently, and I’d routinely come across caves that I wanted to explore but didn’t yet have the skill set to handle – and had it not been for a lot of aimless wandering later on, I’d have never found them again.

* Merchants SUCK in Risen. There’s no option to increase your bartering skills, so expect to only be offered 25% (or less) of the stated value of the items you pick up. This means that it behooves you to pick up EVERYTHING that isn’t bolted down. Thanks to looting, selling, and quests that offer gold rewards, you can eventually amass a nice cache of gold, but hang onto it, because:

* Decent armor is almost impossible to come by outside of finishing major quests, and even then, you’re expected to pay for it. For example, if you choose to side with Don and the bandit camp, he’ll offer you increasingly better armor as you complete his quests – but if you don’t have the gold in hand, you’re out of luck. I believe the best armor in the game (outside of what you get just before the game ends) cost 5000 gold, which was about 2/3rds of my stash at the time. You’ll have a much easier time with weapons, which (outside of buying them), you can gain by knocking out or killing people, looting chests, and you can even forge them yourself with the Smithing and Mining skills.

* There are a few noticeable bugs and glitches, particularly in Chapter 3, where drawing your sword at one point leads to a crash. I was able to get past it upon reloading, but frequent saving (which you’ll want to do anyway, thanks to tricky combat) is recommended. You’ll also likely run into incidents where NPCs who were friendly or neutral to you earlier on will attack you at first sight – and some of these characters cannot be killed, which means running away is your only escape. Thankfully most enemies will only chase you so far, but if they persist, your best bet is to get them to follow you into an area where friendly NPCs will fight on your behalf.

* Being a German title probably contributes to some of the inconsistencies in the voice overs and the subtitles. While the voice acting itself is strong, you might be scratching your head when you’re told to locate a character whose name is different than the one given, or the spoken words are completely different from the captions. It’s nothing quest-shattering though.

* At the time of this writing, there’s a notable lack of game help available online, and with a manual as sparse and unhelpful as the one that accompanies this game, you’ll likely find yourself well and truly stuck more than once. The only saving grace I found was Gamespot’s forum, with its pain-in-the-ass search feature which is largely useless. If you desperately need a nudge in the right direction, I recommend going to Google and typing “site:gamespot.com +risen +quest” – just substitute “quest” for whatever you’re having trouble with.

Overall …

Risen offers around 50 hours of gameplay (I did a lot of exploring and finished all of the side quests) and ran smoothly on my somewhat older system (Windows XP, 2.01 GHz processor, 2GB of RAM, budget ATI graphics card). I’ll probably replay it at some point so I can experience the Inquisitor-specific quests, but those only really affect the first two chapters, so the second half of the game will likely be identical. It definitely quenched my thirst for a high quality, engaging, challenging, and enjoyable RPG. Risen is right up there with Prototype as being my favorite game of the year, by far!